Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
