I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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