i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
