can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize