He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
