so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
