next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
