I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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