i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
