so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
