you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Randomize
