My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
