This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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