and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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