either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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