Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
