There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think your dad took our porno
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
