Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
