your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
