but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
