I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
bring money and cleavage
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
