dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
