i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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