the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
