That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
