I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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