Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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