i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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