i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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