I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
