i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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