I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
