Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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