Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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