she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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