i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
