At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
