the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
