Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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