Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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