i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
