Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
