In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
