we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
