I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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