i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
