First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
