I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
