I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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