I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
