I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
