my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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