Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
