I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
