i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
