If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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