i think my tv is drunk
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
