First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
