I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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