4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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