She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
