just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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