oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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