Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
