The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
