I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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